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These Words Apply to
You
Question: I thought I would
write to let you know where I am currently with this stuff. I want
to stick to just what I know as opposed to ideas about it, and I
thought the best way to do that might be in an email to you so you
could let me know if you think I'm off base or on target.
Right now, there is awareness of
typing happening. There is awareness of sensations in the hands and
fingers and rear end on the chair! There is awareness of
thinking—including these very thoughts that are appearing on this
screen. There is awareness of a thought "I am typing" as well as the
thought "there is no I." Both are thoughts occurring within
awareness.
There is no one here who planned
to type this thought. The thought occurred and typing happened. Then
there is the thought "what do you mean, of course I'm thinking and
typing"—and there is awareness of that thought arising and now it is
gone and replaced by these very words being typed and read right
now.
This is all happening
immediately—this moment, now this moment, now this moment. So no
independent 'doer' is found. All of these objects arise but no one
who is doing them, and they arise to this awareness.
Am I this body/brain? Well, all
that can be said on direct looking and direct experience is that
body parts are seen and sensations felt and thoughts observed. This
can be seen directly. The thought "I am this body/brain" is just
that—a thought arising within and as awareness.
No independent decision-maker or
self-powered 'I' can be found outside of thought. As Bob Adamson
says, this brain is simply a transformer for the
Intelligence-Energy—the thoughts that arise are after the fact of
this Livingness that we are. In fact, to say 'livingness' and 'we'
is really too much—it's all just Livingness.
Will I die? Yes and no. This body
will likely go the way of all other forms—it will disintegrate in
some fashion and stop functioning in its current manner. Will this
Livingness die? Hmm. It appears that so-called death will happen
within this awareness. Death is another arising to this unchanging
awareness that is the completely obvious and testable background on
which these thoughts—including 'death' thoughts—are occurring. But
the observable fact is that all of this is more thinking and
conceptualizing arising right now on and as this Livingness.
Will I become enlightened? No. The
'I' is a thought. Thoughts just arise and pass away within this
awareness. Thoughts don't become enlightened. There really is no one
to become enlightened. All that arises, whether stories about
enlightenment or un-enlightenment, is imagination. These same
stories are seen by and known by this awareness. 'Working towards'
enlightenment or 'giving up the search' are still both arising
within awareness—THIS.
Do I finally get it? No. The
'I-thought' will never get it. It can't—it's a thought. But, at
least there is awareness of it as a thought rather than as a
reference to something real. So there is no one to get it. There is
just awareness of these thoughts arising now—that's all that can
ever be. Thinking there can be awareness of something tomorrow is
just that—thoughts arising right now to no one.
And there really isn't anything to
get. It's just seeing 'what is' rather than taking what arises to be
what is real and permanent. Whatever arises, arises. There is no one
and nothing to be done about it. It is all free to come and
go—including the thought "I don't want it to come and go."
I've kept this as close to the bone
as I can right now, not wanting to fly off into conceptualization—a
land in which I have found absolutely no satisfaction. My new
definition of suffering, by the way, is the spiritual search itself!
Stephen: Yes, what's being
pointed to is the watching, the seeing, the witnessing of all that
arises. What's being pointed out is that you are the consciousness
in which everything arises.
The objects that arise in you are
not given any relevance in this teaching. The objects are the
thoughts, feelings, sensations, images, stories, dramas, fears,
memories, projections etc. The questions of how, why, when, what if,
yes but, etc. are just objects arising in you, consciousness. The
objects of consciousness are always changing—you remain as the
witnessing presence of all that arises.
You are the witnessing presence of
all that arises. Notice it now.
Knowing yourself as this witnessing
presence of all that arises is the resolution of all spiritual
seeking, and psychological suffering.
Everything is free to come and go
through you, and you remain untouched, peaceful and free. Getting
involved in the questions, stories and dramas, and trying to figure
it all out, and get it all right is the very suffering you're trying
to overcome. Nothing can trouble you but imagination. Knowing
yourself as this simple witnessing presence is the resolution of all
your seeking and suffering. It is this simple, and you know it.
Q: Here is something I saw
yesterday really clearly—what I refer to as 'I' really is a
thought—it's the thought 'I'. Here's what I mean: there was a lot of
thinking floating around about Advaita, getting it, not getting it,
etc. and the thought arose, "I really don't get it." Something
happened and it occurred to me to ask "What or where is this 'I'
that doesn't get it?" It became really clear that this 'I' was
literally a thought that arose again and again and that all kinds of
other thoughts attached to it. For just a moment, thinking ground to
a halt. It seemed and seems very clear that there really is NO ONE
to 'get it'. It's all just thinking arising and passing away about
getting it or not getting it and on and on and on—and I am not
thinking, i.e. there is no one here deciding what to think or not to
think. Even right now, I am not deciding what to write—thoughts just
occur and writing happens. Weird.
Another revelation: I had heard and
read about teachers (it might have been Ramana, originally) who have
said that, if you paid attention, you could see the 'I' arise after
awakening in the morning. I really was looking for something kind of
mystical or other worldly to happen and I never saw it happen. Then,
yesterday morning, I saw the 'I-thought' arise. Nothing stupendous
or earth-shattering. I just saw the first 'I' come up whereas before
it arose, there was just moving around, turning off the alarm, etc.
And I get it that 'I' don't see anything—it is all just arising
within awareness.
Let me ask, for you, has thinking
just stopped arising for the most part? Or, is there just little or
no interest in the thinking that arises (other than the practical
thinking that might have to do with simple functioning—obviously
that is arising). It seems that it probably doesn't matter, does it?
The deal is seeing/relaxing into the background that I am/we are
because moving into the conceptual world is where the problems
occur, huh?
S: All thoughts, feelings,
and sensations are free to come and go through you. You are that
which is aware of thoughts, feelings, and sensations. You are
awareness itself. Thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise on their
own and are witnessed. Notice that you are the witnessing presence.
Notice that there is no separate person called Vinci who is creating
the thoughts, feelings, and sensations—there is only consciousness.
Vinci is an appearance in you. Vinci does not exist unless you are
there to witness him. Vinci has no power to create or avoid any
thoughts, feelings, or sensations that appear. Vinci is just another
appearance in you, consciousness.
You've seen in your own direct
experience that you, consciousness, are there before Vinci appears
and before the thought 'I' appears. You are that which witnesses the
appearance of Vinci and the thought 'I'.
Knowing yourself as this simple
witnessing presence that is always here, even now, is the resolution
of all spiritual seeking, and psychological suffering.
You are the nothing that all
thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise in. You are timeless,
spaceless, shapeless, and formless.
You are the emptiness and the
timeless-ness in which all space and time appear. These words apply
to you. These words describe what you are in essence. You have
always been this simple witnessing presence. You are the
resolution to all seeking and suffering.
EVERYTHING is free to come and go
through you. You remain untouched, peaceful and free.
