Kick Back, Relax and Enjoy the Show!
Jay:
I do get it—in my mind anyway, intellectually—I do get that my ego is
not going to get rid of itself. My sense of self is not going to do
anything about my sense of self. I get it in my mind, but I am so
attached to trying various techniques to get rid of my sense of self, as
you were describing. But it is hard to just let it be, you know? The
first step is be aware; how to be aware more frequently? How to
learn to let it be?
In my mind, I get that coming from awareness is
different than coming from a sense of self. But my sense of self is so
strong, I guess, it runs me so much that there are not many gaps for
the, "Oh, now I am aware of what’s going on," instead of being caught up
in what’s going on. And so, the sense of self does not want to die—it is
not going to help me out. So should I just wait to see if it happens?
And ultimately I will become more
aware? How do you get in there—to wake up
more often or wake up ultimately? And if it is not my sense of self
trying to be aware and let it be, trying to change myself, how does the
opening come?
Stephen:
How do you experience the sense of
self? What does it feel like? What thoughts are happening and what
feelings are happening? When you experience the sense of self, how do
you feel it in the body? What is the experience of the sense of self to
you?
Jay:
Usually I feel stressed—my body is stressed. Usually I am busy and I am
addicted to being busy and doing and helping. I keep trying to change,
but I keep getting swept up in stuff—stressed.
Stephen:
Stressed?
Jay:
Yes.
Stephen:
So stress is a characteristic of the
sense of self you are referring to? Do you feel stress in your body; in
your chest; in your stomach; in your neck? When you are experiencing
being caught up in the ego-self, do you notice a very busy thinking
mind?
Jay:
Yes, also I feel it emotionally. I feel impatient that I am caught up in
this whirlwind. It feels like I am compelled, you know, that kind of
stuff.
Stephen:
So you experience the sense of
ego-self mentally and emotionally?
Jay:
Yes.
Stephen:
You experience a
very active mind, and emotionally you feel those feelings?
Jay:
Yes.
Stephen:
So there is a
thought story and an emotional story playing in your head when you feel
that sense of ego-self? And you are aware of that?
Jay:
When I am caught up
in it, I am not aware of it—I guess.
Stephen:
Sometimes you are
aware of it.
Jay:
Sometimes, yes.
Stephen:
So you are aware of
the mental and emotional experience of ego-self, and you are aware
occasionally when it is happening.
Jay:
Right.
Stephen:
And that is how you
experience the ego-self; you experience a lot of mental and emotional
activity—mental and emotional ‘stirring.’
Jay:
Yes.
Stephen:
And you are aware of
that experience from time to time.
Jay:
Yes.
Stephen:
Now, you can let
your eyes rest on anything on the table—the candle, the bottle, the jar
or anything on the table. Pick an object and be aware of it. Notice the
color; notice the shape. And you can imagine the weight of it, if you
could pick it up; and feel the temperature of it. You can see the colors
and the shape, you can imagine how it feels, and you can feel the weight
of it. And if it is edible you can imagine the taste of it—or even if it
is not. You can see the colors, you can see the shape and you can feel
the weight of it—holding it in your hand. You can imagine the
temperature of it—is it warm or cold? And maybe even the taste, or the
sound if you were to strike it on the table—how would it sound?
Now you can be aware and imagine what it
is like to experience that object completely. And now you can be
aware—of that which is aware of the object. You are aware of that
object now—aware of how it looks; aware of the colors, the shape, the
weight, the temperature, and the taste. You are aware of that object.
Now notice the fact that you are aware right now. There is awareness of
that object isn’t there?
Jay:
Yes.
Stephen:
So, notice this
awareness now. Awareness is aware of an object. You know all about the
object, now notice the awareness. You can also notice how this awareness
is fully aware—in addition to the object, you are also aware of the
sensations of your body now. You see the object, you can imagine the
object, and also you are aware now of the sensations of your body. You
can feel the energy of your body now—there is awareness of the
sensations of your body now.
You can notice this awareness that is
aware now. You can continue to notice this awareness. You are aware now,
aren’t you? There is awareness here now. And now you are aware of being
aware. There is awareness here now, and you are aware of being aware.
The attention of awareness can go back onto itself and realize, "Yes,
there is awareness here now." And you may notice a natural relaxation
response—being aware.
The objects of awareness are dependent on
awareness being aware. Now this ego experience that you were referring
to is like the object on the table that you chose. The ego experience
that you were referring to is like the object on the table. The sense of
‘me’, the sense of ego that we all know so well, that we are aware of,
is another object that we are aware of. Even the most contracted sense
of ego, the most contracted sense of ‘me’, the feeling of ‘me’, is
another object that happens in awareness—the same as the object on the
table.
One object seems personal—the ego
experience seems personal. It is a personal experience that I am aware
of, that you are aware of. And the object on the table seems impersonal.
But notice how the awareness that is here now is neither personal nor
impersonal. It is simply present and aware. As you let the object on
the table be, you can let the ego sense be.
Initially it may be easier to let an impersonal object be as it is, but
you may notice that it becomes easier and easier to let the ego sense
be; that personal sense of ‘me’. You may notice that it gets easier and
easier to let that ego sense be. You may realize that even the most
contracted sense of ‘me’, the most contracted sense of ego, is an
impersonal experience that is happening in consciousness—and no one has
an ego. An ego is an impersonal object that happens in awareness.
This is the power of letting it be.
You are no longer fooled—no matter how seductive, no matter how
convincing the ego may appear. You may notice it gets easier and easier
to let the ego experience be as it is, as you realize even the most
personal sense of ego is as equally impersonal as the object on
the table. No one owns that sense of 'me'. There are not two egos—one
ego who owns an ego—there is one ego experience. And there is one
awareness, that you are, being aware of all objects. Some objects appear
to be personal, some objects appear impersonal. But you may notice that
all objects of experience are happening naturally and spontaneously—by
no one and to no one. And the common ground of all experience is this
aware presence that I am. Both the personal ego experience and the
impersonal objects are happening naturally and spontaneously in this
aware presence that I am.
And this may become more and more obvious
to you as the old habit of contracting around objects and personalizing
them, dies. The ego experience has happened in the human experience. No
one created an ego experience—the ego experience happens, like
everything else. So as you come back to this present moment of awareness
more and more, the ego experience is naturally released—the same as the
object on the table is naturally released. All objects of experience are
appearing and disappearing naturally and spontaneously, and the common
ground of all experience is this aware presence that I am, that you are.
As the old habit of grasping onto the
personal experiences is released, a new habit naturally forms. This new
habit is to simply be as you are, present and aware. And it becomes more
and more obvious to you, that simply being as you are, present and
aware, you notice a natural relaxation response in the mind and body.
You may feel comfortable saying that you know yourself as this
aware presence. And you know yourself as the love you were
seeking. It becomes more and more obvious to you that this aware
presence that you are is everything you were seeking by trying to
manipulate and control the objects of experience. So as the objects of
experience naturally release; both personal and impersonal objects of
experience are naturally released, you let them be as they are.
This aware presence becomes more and more
obvious in your own direct experience, even now. There is awareness here
now, it is absolutely complete. And knowing yourself as this
awareness, you may notice a natural relaxation response of the mind and
body—because the mind has found what it was seeking. The mind was
seeking for peace, love, contentment, and well-being. That is why the
mind was trying to control and manipulate the objects of experience; it
wanted to deliver peace, love and contentment to you.
So noticing yourself as the source
of peace, love and contentment—this aware presence here and now—there is
a natural relaxation response of the mind, because the mind has found
what it was seeking. And it is yourself.
And this happens naturally and
spontaneously—as you naturally reach for water when thirst arises. When
the desire for love, peace and contentment arises in you, you naturally
turn to yourself—this aware presence that is with you, as you,
right now.
So this happens naturally and
spontaneously with no effort of your own. As you feel any desire to take
action or to create effort, you may notice that by simply being aware of
that desire to take action and create effort, it releases on its own.
And it becomes more and more obvious to you that no effort or action is
required to live in peace.
You
experience a natural relaxation response of the mind and body—and you
can feel it now.
(Long pause)
Jay:
One of the things
you said that really struck me is that we did not create the ego.
Somehow I felt it was my fault that I had an ego. As if I made this
suffering ego, and it is up to me to get rid of it.
Stephen:
It is quite a relief
for you to realize that the ego experience—probably the most contracted
human experience—is happening naturally and spontaneously by no ego and
to no ego. There is no one who has an ego. There is no separate ego who
has an ego. That was a false division of mind—the mind says, "I…have
an ego."
Jay:
(Laughing) Right.
Stephen:
Now we see the
insanity of this false division of mind and realize that even the most
contracted sense of personal ego is happening naturally and
spontaneously as an impersonal object in this aware presence that I am.
This aware presence that I am is not an ego—this aware presence that I
am is simply present and aware. The contracted sense of ego is happening
in this awareness that I am. I am that which is aware. And
that which is aware is aware of everything equally. I am aware of a
simple, impersonal object on the table; and I am aware of the personal
sense of ego.
The sense of ego is more complex because
it involves thoughts, emotions, and sensations—the ego sense is
multi-dimensional in terms of experience. A simple object is much easier
to categorize in terms of experience than the ego experience. However,
you may notice that that which is aware of a simple, impersonal
object is the same presence of awareness that is aware of the sense of
personal ego. The sense of personal ego is happening in this aware
presence that I am. This aware presence that I am is not an ego. There
is something aware of the personal ego experience, and there is
something aware of an impersonal object. The common ground of both
experiences is this aware space that I am; this consciousness that I am.
What I am is aware of the ego
sense, and the ego sense is an experience that happens in me. And an
impersonal object is an experience that happens in me. I am that which
is aware. You can see why the fundamental truth is that awareness is
what I am—consciousness is what I am. Consciousness is what I am, and
consciousness is all there is. And knowing myself as this fundamental
truth, this aware presence, all objects of experience are experienced in
a new light.
All objects of experience are happening
to this consciousness that I am. I am aware of all experiences—both
personal and impersonal objects of experience. I am beyond both. All
experience is dependent on me—I am aware, I am present and aware.
This is the fundamental truth of what I am. You know it experientially
now because you are present and aware here and now—always
now. All objects of experience arise in you—they come and they go. The
ego experience comes and goes, just as impersonal objects come and go,
and they are always changing. The objects of experience are always
changing, but you, when you say "I", "I" refers to this aware
presence that I am.
Now notice this aware presence that you
are, and there is a new perspective on all of the objects of experience.
There is a new perspective when emotions arise, when sensations arise,
and the ego experience arises—even when the contracted sense of ego
arises—there is a new perspective on all of it. There is no longer a
false division. There is no longer the idea that "I am an ego, and I
have to get rid of my ego"— that is a false division of mind. There is
no "I" who has an ego; there are not two. There is this
aware presence that I am that is experiencing the contracted ego
experience. I am aware of that ego experience—it comes and goes—but I am
always the same. The objects come and go, the personal and
impersonal—but I am always the same.
Now this is quite a relief for you to
realize that even the most contracted sense of personal ego is an
impersonal object happening in this aware presence that I am. There
is no ego who created an ego. There is no ego who needs to get rid of an
ego. The ego experience happens in the human experience. And it
becomes more obvious when this false division is seen through—"I...
have an ego"—you see that it is impossible. "I... have to get rid
of my ego, I... have to get rid of my ego..." Do
you see how this process keeps the ego experience going?
Anything that I do to get rid of
my ego—it is impossible! "I have to get rid of my ego,
I have to get rid of my ego, I have to get rid..."
SO WE PULL THE PLUG!
We pull the plug on the ego who has to
get rid of itself.
NO MORE!
NO MORE
dividing myself internally. NO MORE going to war with
myself—trying to kill my ego. This is the power of LET IT BE! The
ego experience is happening by no one and to no one. Now you know
yourself as this aware presence. This aware presence, you will notice,
has all the attributes that you wanted. If you are able to get rid of
the ego— "Why do I want to get rid of my ego?" Because I want to live in
peace!
Now you notice the plug is pulled on the
egoic mind by letting it be. The plug is pulled on the idea that
"I have to get rid of my ego… I have to.." NO! No
more false division. No more internal war. No more going to war with
myself—against myself! You were going to war with yourself! The mind
meant well. It wanted to bring love and peace to itself and to the
world. This is why the ego wanted to get rid of itself. But do you see
that trying to kill the ego keeps the war going?
Complete surrender, let it be,
pulls the plug on the ego. And now you know yourself as this
aware presence. It may become more and more obvious to you, and you feel
comfortable saying, "What I am, this aware presence, is love, it
is peace, it is contentment!" You may notice this. And the
false division naturally releases. "I have to get rid of my
ego?" Who has to get rid of what? Now there is no ego trying to get rid
of itself. Now there is a natural relaxation response of the mind and
body. And this unconditional love that I am, loves even the ego
sense!
This aware presence that we are is simply
present and aware—it does not have the capacity to go to war with
itself. So there is a natural relaxation of the ego sense. The ego sense
becomes another impersonal object in awareness that is happening
naturally and spontaneously. The ego sense happens naturally and
spontaneously, and it releases naturally and spontaneously. This becomes
more and more obvious to you—there is no independent 'me' who is doing
anything, and everything is happening naturally and
spontaneously.
Even the sense that there is an
independent me is happening naturally and spontaneously. You may say,
"Well, I feel as if there is an independent me who is doing
everything!" Even the sense of being an independent person who is doing
everything—even that is happening naturally and spontaneously, by
no one and to no one. There is no separate me who is creating the sense
of a separate me. There is the experience of a separate me that
happens naturally and spontaneously in this aware presence that I am.
So I realize that anything I do to
get rid of my ego is keeping it in place. It is an impossible
venture. Even if the ego says, "Well, I am successful—I got rid of my
ego!"—now there is an ego who got rid of its ego! "I did it!" Who
did what? So this false division of mind becomes more and more comical
as you step back and be aware of everything that is happening. And now
notice yourself as that which is aware. Now the attention goes on
that which is aware, and letting the objects be. It becomes more
and more comical how the mind had divided itself into separate egos and
was going to war with itself—all a false division of mind.
Meanwhile, you have always been aware,
watching the whole show—as you are aware right now. And now you know the
fundamental truth about yourself—this aware presence is what I am,
present and aware. You have seen the false ego-sense—you have seen
through it. And you notice a palpable change in your experience. There
is a natural relaxation response when the mind is no longer going to war
with itself internally.
Do you realize the degree to which your
own mind was at war with itself? Can you imagine the peace you feel now
that this mental and emotional war is over? And there is surrender.
Surrender happens because the mind realizes its own mistake. The mind
realizes it was searching for peace, love and contentment in the
objects of experience, and for the ego. Now the peace, love
and contentment, you may notice, are naturally occurring phenomena that
require no effort.
Now the thoughts and emotions naturally
relax on their own because you have discovered what you were seeking.
The intention of the mind was good; it wanted to bring love, peace and
contentment to you, and it wanted to share love, peace and contentment
with others. Now this mind realizes that that which is aware here
and now, always with you as you, is the source of love,
peace and contentment—now the mind naturally relaxes. Now there is a
natural relaxation response of the mind, emotions and the body—because
you have found what you were seeking!
Now there
is a natural release—and you kick back, relax and enjoy the show.
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Thank
you - J.H.
